I am right back on the road I started. It seems like everything has come full circle. I have tried to avoid this road, but it has been very persistent. As I stand here in silence, I begin to wonder, Am I ready to walk down the road? I have made it this far and yet I want to turn back around. This road is kinda scary looking from this vantage point. I promised myself that I would be open to travel this road free of any preconceived notions or expected outcomes. I promised to be open to the road and let it lead me where it wishes. But, for some reason, the mere idea of surrendering myself to the road ahead seems too daunting. What about all of my dreams, ambitions, and ideas of what I want and need? Do I have to give that all up in order to surrender to the road ahead? What if there is more loss, disappointment, unneeded distractions, and detours ahead? I have surrendered to these forces before, which is why I left the open road in the past. I know that we each have our own path/road to walk, but why is it that when walking mine I feel so alone? Is there anyone walking beside me or am I too focused on the road ahead to even notice? My mind is running a mile a minute, with no second to spare. I take a deep breath as I continue to contemplate taking my first step because we all know that a still ship can’t be guided. Therefore, I have to move.
Am I finally willing to walk ahead no matter where it leads? Am I ready to focus on the road ahead of me without being distracted by my own ambitions, lust, desires, personal agenda, and ego? My ego has been such a huge part of my willingness to take needless detours. My ego oversold my capabilities and told me I could go it alone just as long I focused on my own needs/desires. However, the road that I walk is a very complicated one, in which others are required, as well as the willingness to humble myself and ask for assistance along the way. Prior to this startling revelation, I was unwilling to admit to myself that I couldn’t walk this road alone. I will need events, people, and situations to catapult me down the road I must travel.
The road ahead seems very scary considering that I am standing at the beginning of it. I have no idea of what to expect along the way. I guess you can say, that’s where faith comes into play. I have not traveled down this road yet. Therefore, I do not know how it will end. But, I must say that I have to be willing to take a chance on this road because I have seen it many times before. The ending will never take place unless I am willing to face the road ahead.
Mercedes Tucker 